[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” next_background_color=”#faf5f0″ admin_label=”Hero v1″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_image=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/marriage.jpg” min_height=”508.2px” min_height_tablet=”” min_height_phone=”” min_height_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”8%||4%||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”2%||2%||true|false” custom_padding_phone=”1rem||1rem||true|false” top_divider_height=”12px” bottom_divider_style=”curve” bottom_divider_height=”42px” hover_enabled=”0″ collapsed=”on” global_colors_info=”{}” background_color=”#faf5f0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” header_text_color=”#FFFFFF” header_font_size=”96px” header_font_size_tablet=”” header_font_size_phone=”57px” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#faf5f0″ hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/WEBSITE-MarriageRetreat2026.png” title_text=”WEBSITE-MarriageRetreat2026″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#877773″ header_4_text_color=”#dfcac0″ hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
When: February 20-22, 2026 Whether your marriage is brand new, rock solid, or in need of a little renovation, this retreat is your invitation to unlock the keys to a thriving marriage. You\u2019ll leave refreshed, reconnected, and equipped to take your marriage to the next level\u2014together.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_button button_url=”https:\/\/onrealm.org\/blackrock\/PublicRegistrations\/Event?linkString=NjE2N2UwZTQtMjMwMi00YWI3LWFhM2EtYjM2MTAxMmNjNDAw” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Register Here” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#FFFFFF” button_bg_color=”#877773″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_button][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ disabled_on=”on|on|on” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#c9ac86″ background_image=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/Marriage.png” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” custom_padding=”|||1px||” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” disabled=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1920-x-1080-Marriage-Conference-WEBSITE.jpg” title_text=”1920 x 1080 Marriage Conference-WEBSITE” url_new_window=”on” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” max_width=”100%” module_alignment=”center” border_color_all=”#6a2300″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” text_line_height=”1.4em” header_4_text_color=”#cbb6b6″ custom_margin=”||-5px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” header_5_text_color=”#FFFFFF” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Saturday, November 1, 2025 | 9:00 AM \u2013 12:30 PM<\/strong><\/span> In partnership with Walnut Hill Community Church<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n \n Are you looking to strengthen your relationship? Tune up your marriage? Navigate the joys and challenges of parenting? Connect with other couples and families?<\/span><\/p>\n Join us for a refreshing morning designed to encourage and equip you in your most important roles \u2014 as partners and parents.<\/strong> Whether you\u2019re dating, newlyweds, young or seasoned parents, in the prime of your marriage, or celebrating a lifelong journey together, this event is for you!<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_button button_url=”https:\/\/onrealm.org\/blackrock\/PublicRegistrations\/Event?linkString=NTE5N2VmOTEtOWJlOC00YjkzLWJhODUtYjMxNTAxNGQwYzZm” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Register Now” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#e0cfbc” button_bg_color=”#7c5a40″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_button][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ disabled_on=”on|on|on” _builder_version=”4.27.2″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#404041″ disabled=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/DBR-hero-003.png” title_text=”DBR-hero-003″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” max_width=”85%” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” header_4_text_color=”#e7c343″ width=”100%” custom_margin=”|||-53px||” custom_padding=”0px||0px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” custom_margin=”|||-56px||” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Debra is a nationally recognized faith-Forward Licensed Professional Christian Counselor, renowned author of 7 books (Soul Care is her latest book), national speaker, creator of the #1Faith-Based Relationship Advice Blog \u201cTrueLoveDates, host of \u201cTalk to Me\u201d hotline style relationship podcast, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network.<\/p>\n Before anything else in her life, Debra is a woman in love with Jesus and that love has been the driving motivator propelling her forward in life. She recently founded the Debra Fileta <\/strong><\/span><\/a>Counselors Network<\/strong><\/span><\/a> <\/span>in July.<\/p>\n She is married to the love of her life, John and has 4 children. Debra specializes in dating, marriage, and relationship issues, along with a spectrum of mental health disorders and issues.<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_button button_url=”http:\/\/DebraFileta.com” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Debra’s Website” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_button=”on” button_bg_color=”#e7c343″ custom_padding=”|||17px||” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_button][et_pb_button button_url=”http:\/\/Instagram.com\/DebraFileta” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Debra’s Instagram” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_button=”on” button_bg_color=”#e7c343″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_button][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#e7c343″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” text_line_height=”1.4em” header_4_text_color=”#FFFFFF” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n <\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ disabled_on=”off|off|off” _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#AFA6A1″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” header_4_text_color=”#e7c343″ custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_video src=”https:\/\/vimeo.com\/1030596250\/bf612c8a7d?share=copy” src_webm=”https:\/\/vimeo.com\/1030596250\/bf612c8a7d?share=copy” _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_video][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” header_4_text_color=”#e7c343″ custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_video src=”https:\/\/vimeo.com\/1030593971\/8db59dfd55?share=copy” src_webm=”https:\/\/vimeo.com\/1030593971\/8db59dfd55?share=copy” _builder_version=”4.27.3″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_video][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” background_video_mp4=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/ezgif.com-gif-maker-1.mp4″ width_tablet=”” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|phone” height=”337px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” admin_label=”adults marriage” module_id=”marriage” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” background_image=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/text-v3.1.5.png” background_position=”bottom_left” custom_padding=”4%||4%||true|false” custom_padding_tablet=”3%||3%||true|false” custom_padding_phone=”2rem||2rem||true|false” collapsed=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”67%” custom_margin=”||-100px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”|800|||||||” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#012D36″ header_font_size=”3.5rem” header_letter_spacing=”0.02em” header_line_height=”1.1em” header_3_text_color=”#012D36″ header_3_font_size=”2.3rem” header_3_letter_spacing=”0.02em” header_3_line_height=”1.1em” max_width=”100rem” max_width_tablet=”30em” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|tablet” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”|auto|0px|auto|false|true” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”||3rem||false|false” header_font_size_tablet=”3rem” header_font_size_phone=”2.5rem” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” header_3_text_align_tablet=”left” header_3_text_align_phone=”” header_3_text_align_last_edited=”on|tablet” header_3_font_size_tablet=”2rem” header_3_font_size_phone=”1.8rem” header_3_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,1_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”71%” module_alignment=”center” custom_padding=”3px||3px||true|false” border_radii=”on|16px|16px|16px|16px” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#559098″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”78%” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”-27px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n engaged and seriously dating couples create a solid foundation for a lifelong Christ-centered marriage<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”80%” width_tablet=”80%” width_phone=”80%” width_last_edited=”on|phone” module_alignment=”center” custom_padding=”3px||3px||true|false” border_radii=”on|16px|16px|16px|16px” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#559098″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”78%” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”-27px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n encourage and support existing marriages to reflect God\u2019s intention for marriage through all life stages and seasons<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”83%” module_alignment=”center” custom_padding=”3px||3px||true|false” border_radii=”on|16px|16px|16px|16px” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#559098″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.0″ _module_preset=”default” width=”78%” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”-27px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n marriages that have been struggling or broken and guide couples to seek God’s grace and guidance in their journey toward healing and reconciliation<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#559098″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row module_id=”prepare” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/prepare.png” title_text=”prepare” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”9%” width_tablet=”9%” width_phone=”34%” width_last_edited=”on|phone” module_alignment=”center” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_toggle title=”Pre-Engagement & Pre-Marriage Preparation Program” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Thinking about walking down the aisle? We want to walk with you on your journey towards the altar! If you are seriously dating and considering engagement or are already engaged, we invite you to join our 8-week pre-engagement and marriage preparation mentorship program.<\/p>\n This mentorship program will also lead you through a process to help you assess your relational strengths as well as areas to work on. Our hope is to equip you for the adventures of marriage and help you and your significant other evaluate whether now is the time to take your relationship to the next level.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Preparing for Engagement \/ Marriage Mentorship Program<\/strong> [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”Preparing for Re-Marriage” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n More than 80 percent of divorced people in the United States will remarry, and based on numerous research studies, anywhere between 50% \u2013 70% of remarried couples will divorce again. Since this is such a significant challenge for couples considering remarriage, we offer a program catered specifically for couples hoping to remarry. It helps couples place themselves in a position to beat these percentages, and identify if they are ready to remarry.<\/p>\n The overarching goal of this approach is to develop a mindset that a successful remarriage is one whole person entering into an interdependent relationship with another whole person. We hope to help couples considering remarriage understand the significance of this type of relationship. The four main topics covered are:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”Resources” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#404041″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row module_id=”strenghten” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/strengthen.png” title_text=”strengthen” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” width=”11%” width_tablet=”11%” width_phone=”37%” width_last_edited=”on|phone” module_alignment=”center” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Black Rock Church wants to help each married couple learn how to invest and strengthen their most important human relationship in their lives.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_button button_url=”https:\/\/blackrock.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Tips-to-Improve-Your-Marriage.pdf” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Tips to Improve Your Marriage” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_button][et_pb_toggle title=”Refresh Your Marriage Retreat” disabled_on=”on|on|on” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” disabled=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Tuesday, August 20 – Wednesday, August 21<\/strong><\/p>\n Trinity Retreat Center, 79 Lower River Rd. West Cornwall CT<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Retreat Speakers:\u00a0 Pastor Gaylord and Sharon Lemke<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n So many couples today in our area live at a frenetic pace of life with work, family, sports, activities, interests, etc, which often demands a significant amount of their time and energy. If couples are not careful, they can drift into a \u201croommate marriage\u201d while getting caught up in the whirlwind of activities.<\/p>\n This retreat offers couples an opportunity to disconnect from this fast-paced rhythm of life, and refresh, reset and reconnect with God and one another.<\/p>\n Cost<\/strong>:\u00a0 $179\/couple (includes 3 meals and 1 night lodging)<\/em><\/p>\n Register here.<\/strong><\/em><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n Email Bob Donovan at bdonovan@blackrock.org<\/a> <\/span>for any questions.<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”EXTERNAL MARRIAGE EVENTS” _builder_version=”4.18.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Marriage Intensives<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”What Is In Your Marriage Toolkit?” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Every <\/em><\/strong>married couple HAS a marriage toolkit, whether they realize it or not.\u00a0 Not being aware of your marriage toolkit just might be undermining your marriage and preventing you from having a stronger and healthier marriage.<\/p>\n What you may not realize is that you likely have two<\/strong> marriage toolkits.\u00a0 You have an unhealthy \/ negative toolkit and a healthy \/ positive toolkit\u2026.. Which one you are using?<\/p>\n EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE \/ UNHEALTHY TOOLS<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n Selfish Tool<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n Me first. My way. Most of the time I am right.\u00a0 When I hear something you say, my first reaction is to consider how it affects me not how it might benefit you<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Complacency Tool<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n I call this the stealth marriage killer.\u00a0 Basically, you sit back and do nothing to invest, grow and strengthen your marriage.\u00a0 You become complacent and lazy regarding doing ANYTHING in an intentional way. Don\u2019t schedule date nights, don\u2019t sit and talk about your relationship, don\u2019t plan getaways, don\u2019t check in with your spouse to see how YOU are doing as a couple.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Escalation Tool<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n Because each one of us are IMPERFECT and often make mistakes, it is common for us to approach one another in an awkward or harsh way at times. \u00a0Couples do this.\u00a0 What tends to lead to high conflict is not the way we approach our spouse in a conversation, but rather HOW we RESPOND to one another when approached in a harsh way.\u00a0 How we respond to one another often dictates how the conversation goes.\u00a0 If my wife comes to me and harshly says \u201csit down, we need to talk now\u201d, I have a choice to make.\u00a0 I can respond back harshly, I can withdraw, or I can take a deep breath, realize that something is bothering her and sit down and listen to her.\u00a0 In that moment we can choose to ESCALATE the conversation or DIFFUSE the conversation.\u00a0 Escalation occurs when spouses respond back and forth negatively continuing trying to outdo one another.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n I Need to Win Tool<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n This is a tool that is often used when couples try and resolve conflict.\u00a0 First of all, conflict is normal for married couples.\u00a0 There are some negative ways to resolve conflict and positive ways.\u00a0 Needing to WIN is one of the worst ways to resolve conflict.\u00a0 Rather than seeking a WIN WIN. This tool combined with the Selfish and Escalation Tool are a very dangerous combination.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Blame Game Tool<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n This one, the spouse takes NO OWNERSHIP for their part in the problem.\u00a0 They are a victim of circumstances, they blame the conflict and problem on their spouse, or someone or something else. It\u2019s always someone else\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”New Year New Attitude” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n New Years Resolutions?<\/strong><\/p>\n I am not sure how you feel about making New Year\u2019s resolutions.\u00a0 To be honest, I am not sure how I feel about them either.\u00a0 In fact, according to research most New Years resolutions fail, and in reality, most resolutions fail to make it past the end of January.<\/p>\n However, there is something to be said about taking a deep breath and stepping back from the frenetic pace of life and trying to focus or refocus on what is important to us, both individually and as a married couple.\u00a0\u00a0 A new year can be a new opportunity.<\/p>\n Unoffendable<\/strong><\/p>\n I had the privilege of working alongside of Pastor Dan McCandless for a number of years (and yes, I miss him dearly right now since his move).\u00a0 Dan always said, \u201cmore is caught than taught\u201d<\/em> and I was on the receiving end of some important Christ-centered growth lessons by \u201ccatching\u201d some of his life-giving practices<\/u> (a Marjie term that Dan stole).<\/p>\n Several years ago, Dan was telling me that he and Marjie started to develop a \u201ctheme\u201d for each new year.\u00a0 For that particular year it was \u201cchoosing to be unoffendable<\/em>\u201d.\u00a0 I had never even thought about anything like that before.\u00a0 It made me think about how \u201coffended\u201d I find my mind going in very random situations.\u00a0<\/p>\n In any event, I began thinking about doing something like that myself.\u00a0 I spent time during my morning quiet time to pray and listen to what God might have to say to me, and sure enough something came to me.<\/p>\n My 2021 Theme<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cTo joyfully serve my wife and family\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Now that might sound like an easy-peasy theme, but for a self-centered only child like me, it was a real challenge.\u00a0 The challenging part was not so much the \u201cserving\u201d part, but rather the \u201cjoyful\u201d aspect of this.\u00a0<\/p>\n You also must understand that my amazing wife of 46 years, Karen has as her number one Love Language \u201cActs of Service\u201d.\u00a0 Since it is really important to her, I try to make it a priority to do \u201cActs of Service\u201d things around the house\u2026. but joyfully??<\/p>\n I remember one specific time where she asked me to sweep out our garage because it had leaves in it.\u00a0 I opened the door and looked at the garage floor and to my eyes, it really did not look that bad, in fact it still looked rather clean to me.\u00a0 But as my family often points out \u201cits not about you Bob\u201d.\u00a0 I grabbed a broom and remembered my 2021 theme and joyfully swept out the garage.\u00a0 This actually worked as I found myself being joyful doing this task.<\/p>\n Marriage Application<\/strong><\/p>\n Having a strong and healthy marriage is so much more about doing the daily mundane tasks than it is about the larger grander things.\u00a0 Marriage health is actually nurtured when we have our hearts and attitudes in the right place, as Paul says in Phil 2:3 \u201cdo nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.\u00a0 Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n My wife and I also have had a \u201cmarriage theme\u201d that has guided us over our 46 years Romans 12:10 \u201coutdo one another in showing honor<\/em>\u201d.\u00a0 Do we actually do this all the time?\u00a0 No, but we try.<\/p>\n As you begin 2022, maybe you can adopt a Col 3:2 approach \u201cI will set my mind on things above, I will not dwell on earthly things\u201d. <\/em><\/p>\n What do you individually or as a married couple want to set your eyes on in 2022?<\/p>\n Happy New Year!<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”How to \u201cAffair-Proof\u201d Your Marriage?” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n I think most couples believe that as long as my marriage is strong and healthy, we will never have to be concerned about having an affair.\u00a0 This actually is a myth and just might be influencing couples to have a false sense of security.<\/p>\n Affairs happen to couples in distress as well as with couples with strong marriages.\u00a0 There are often many complicated factors that contribute to a spouse having an affair.\u00a0 If you want to protect yourself from infidelity, it might be good to think about the following suggestions:<\/p>\n Affairs can happen to any couples IF they are not careful.\u00a0 If you think \u201cI can never have an affair \u2013 it can\u2019t happen to me\u201d you are believing a lie and might be susceptible to having one.\u00a0 You actually cannot completely \u201cAFFAIR-PROOF\u201d your marriage.\u00a0 Affairs, both physical and emotional can begin to develop and are very hard to resist, once you are down this path.\u00a0 So \u2013 BE ON GUARD AT ALL TIME!<\/p>\n Does an emotional affair, a physical affair, one-night stands, pornography use, sexting, intimate texting, private messaging feel safe to both of you?\u00a0 We often assume that our boundaries are universal, but what feels safe or acceptable varies widely from one person to another.\u00a0Decide what is acceptable to both or you<\/p>\n Affairs rarely start with a single decision.\u00a0 People who have had affairs look back and in retrospect can see where they crossed the line.\u00a0 Pay attention to where \u201cYOUR LINE\u201d begins.\u00a0 Keep in mind that the more intimate your conversations become, the more at risk you are.\u00a0<\/p>\n Always be intentional about growing your CONNECTION with your spouse.\u00a0 Keep talking and communicating with one another, date nights, have fun\u2026 Turn towards one another not away from one another<\/p>\n If you would like to discuss this topic in more depth, please reach out to Bob Donovan at bdonovan@blackrock.org<\/a>.<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”Strengthening Your Marriage Tools” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”Marriage Assessments” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_toggle][et_pb_toggle title=”Resources & Websites” _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n RESOURCES<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Sessions 1<\/strong> \u2014 Worship Your Way to a Better Marriage\u00a0Watch Now<\/a><\/span> <\/strong><\/p>\n
Where: Mystic Marriot Spa and Resort<\/strong>
Cost: $489 per couple<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span><\/h4>\n
Marriage Conference 2025: <\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n
Navigating the Marriage Journey<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n
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Hosted by: Black Rock Church <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nAbout Debra<\/h4>\n
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WATCH OUR PREVIOUS SEMINAR:<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Reset Your Marriage Seminar With Debra Fileta<\/span><\/h4>\n
This doesn\u2019t mean it is broken, it simply means that it needs attention to clear out the things that are preventing it from working properly so it can function at its best.\u00a0<\/span>This also can be applied to marriage and our relationships.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
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Session 2<\/h4>\n
The mission of Black Rock Marriage Ministry is to: <\/b><\/h3>\n
PREPARE<\/a><\/h3>\n
STRENGTHEN<\/a><\/h3>\n
HELP RESTORE<\/a><\/h3>\n
PREPARE<\/h2>\n
Rolling Enrollment.
Please contact Sarah Harwood at sharwood@blackrock.org<\/a><\/span><\/strong> to sign up.<\/span><\/p>\n\n
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STRENGTHEN<\/h2>\n
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Session 2<\/strong> \u2014 Sacred Journey\u00a0Watch Now<\/a><\/span>
Session 3<\/strong> \u2014 Sexual Saints\u00a0Watch Now<\/a><\/span>
Session 4<\/strong> \u2014 Journey Toward Love\u00a0Watch Now<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n